It’s a simple formula, really

A trigger of sorts (an emotional trigger). This trigger brings up a thought, and then, you do something with that thought. You let them know by sharing that thought with them.

The thing is, most of us get stuck at the brings up a thought stage.

You know how you see a funny commercial with, say, a part of it that is a reference to an old TV show. And the second you see it, you think of that one person, that one friend, or a brother, a sister, a neighbor that you know….they will get it? And so, you have the urge to call them, to send them that commercial so they can experience that same feeling you just went through. Of course, the only reason this happens is that you and the other person have gone through a similar experience in the past. An emotional experience. Together. And calling them now or sending them that commercial that made you laugh will trigger that same emotional experience from the past and will get them (and you) to relive it. I call it an Emotional Anchor.

If we simplify it for a second, the funny commercial was the trigger that got you thinking of that other person. And you let them know by sending them that commercial. And my focus here on this post is on that part where you let them know. The part where you send it to them. The part you both re-live that emotional experience from the past.

The other day, I was driving down 75 South and saw a sign offering to buy season tickets to the Georgia Tech women’s volleyball team. That sign got me thinking about my friend whose daughter has just been accepted to a Division 1 school in the Midwest to play volleyball for them. It happens to all of us. We see something, hear something, someone tells us something, and that reminds us of someone or something we’ve communicated with, encountered, or talked about. Usually, quite recently. So, I thought of my friend, his daughter. I smiled a bit to myself and left it at that. Nothing to it. Most of us, by far, leave it there. You might smile, chuckle a bit, but that’s it. Now, what do you think will happen if you take the next step? If you actually called that person, it reminded you of, or texted and let them know.

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"Let them know you were thinking of them."

— Alon Zaibert

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How would you feel if you got such a call? How do you feel when you know someone is thinking of you?

Studies show that if we have gone through something emotional, it is engraved in our minds. And if we’ve gone through an emotional experience with someone else, we tend to trust that other person more. And when you relive that moment, later, when you are reminded of it… You guessed it – it is being cemented into our brains even further.

Now think about your sales cycle. Your relationship with existing clients. You experience a lot together. Pay attention to these, maybe small, emotional anchors. Get comfortable with the vulnerability and keep bringing these experiences back up during the relationship.

And here is where it gets interesting. Because what if you don’t have a past emotional experience to trigger?

You create one.

I was at a conference this past week. One of the guys I met mentioned he was from Ukraine. I shared with him that my grandparents were from Ukraine. From a small town called Lviv, close to the border with Poland. “Well, actually, they are from White Russia, which today is Ukraine,” I proudly showed off with my knowledge of the region's geography. He claimed he was from a town in the same area. After I made sure his family is safe during these horrible times there, we went on for about 4-5 minutes comparing notes and laughing together. That simple interaction, that short back and forth, was an emotional experience. This is now our Emotional Anchor. We chatted about work some more, and he asked me to reach out the following week for further discussion. At that moment, I wanted him to know this is OUR Emotional Anchor, so I asked him: “You know what the subject line of my follow-up email is going to be?”

He paused for a second while I was staring at him, smirking, and then the two of us together yelled….LVIV and cracked up.

Today, 5 days later, I sent the email. Not only that the subject line say Lviv, it says it in Ukrainian. This way, I am triggering again that emotional anchor we experienced a few days earlier. This way, I get him to re-live that experience and trigger that same feeling from last week so he can feel that feeling of togetherness we felt….again.

And what do you think his reaction is when he sees this subject line arrive in his inbox, written in his native tongue? How much more likely is he to respond?

And while writing this blog, this just came in…

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I created an Emotional Anchor, then something happened. A thought, a reminder, something, and I let them know. I shared it with them. This way, we can relive that moment together, and they then trust me more, open up more, and life is better.

A simple formula, really.